I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
that may or may not have been my penis.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
