So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
