Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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