And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
