i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
