Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
