how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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