if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
