Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
