Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
