Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
