Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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