He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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