no, he came in my armpit
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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