Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
