i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just gift wrapped bread.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
