i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
