Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
