We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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