That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
