Buhtt sex?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
