I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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