left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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