You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
