Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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