I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
