Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
