At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
