perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
