At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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