at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
