I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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