i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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