Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
