smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
there is glitter all over my balls
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
