I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
