So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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