I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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