Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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