I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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