Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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