A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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