Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
