does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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