So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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