He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Barsexuality is the new black.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
