Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
