Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
