He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
