it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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