Everything about him screamed your future.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
