I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
