whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
